The 5 Best Things About Becoming a New Parent After 50
Just when most people are starting to consider retirement and looking forward to grandkids, you’ve been considering the financial reality and lifetime commitment of having a baby or two of your own. Your friends are counting down the days until their youngest finally flies the nest, and most of them think you have lost your mind. They are happy to tell you all about the perils of parenthood, the exhausting nights from birth through college and the restrictions of your time and resources. We know they love their kids, and we know they see the light at the end of the “freedom from raising kids” tunnel. But most importantly, we have witnessed their love, pride, fulfillment and just plain happiness directed toward their kids. Bear in mind, most of them started their families in their 20s and 30s, when life was just plain harder. We are different people in our 20s and 30s, in different circumstances. Let’s talk about the five best things about waiting until you’ve hit your prime. Your 50s.
Patience. Life experience helps us to understand how quickly time really does go, and we fully get that babies are babies for a minute and a half. You understand both pleasant and unpleasant circumstances are short lived, and you will catch up on sleep at some point, as well as work, friendships, vacations, and all of the other important things in your life. You can muse during 3 AM feedings, full diapers and ear piercing squealing at the cute little face in your charge in a way that wasn’t possible in your younger days.
Time. So many of us are still conquering the world in our twenties and thirties. We are climbing the ladder, improving our social standing, filling our nest egg and trying to be all things to everybody. In our 50s we have figured out who we are, and we can and do say “no” to anything not as important to our highest priorities. We understand how incredibly precious time is, and how quickly it goes. In our 20s and 30s time going quickly is something old people say, but it’s hypothetical. In our 50s its a truism. We are happy to hold babies and let the cleaning people take care of the floors and bathrooms. We can read lots of stories every night, and play the same mundane game, becouse we know they won’t want to play them with us for much longer.
Money. Unfortunately, money is a requirement for our survival, and a necessity to procreate in our 50s. It almost always requires more than promiscuity to become a parent. Whether it’s IVF, adoption or surrogacy, it’s pricey. So most of us who become parents in our 50s have the money to afford a home we own, plenty of food and clothing, a choice in education, choices in babysitters/nannies, sports/music/art/whatever recreational activity your child migrates toward, and the ability to enjoy the baby life without being overwhelmed.
Appreciation. It’s hard to appreciate the things we can easily take for granted. Musical people think playing music is easy, funny people think comedy is easy, and young people think being young will last a whole lot longer than it really does. Don’t get me wrong… I don’t think 50 is old. We have the ability to live longer and healthier lifestyles, and we have the wisdom to appreciate what that means. We can appreciate the long nights, the fussy days, the fits, the mess and the blessings of all of it. You can’t know light if you don’t know dark.
Relationships. Most of us in our 40s and 50s can sit back and ponder the important people of our 20s and 30s. Who they were, why they were important, and how those relationships have or haven’t changed over the years. Many of us have had more than one love, enjoyed tried and true friendships, been surprised by the people who have showed up for us in times of need, and those who didn’t. We’ve lost people close to us, and our appreciation for our village has grown by leaps and bounds. Having a baby or two in your 40s or 50s with someone you chose because you really love one another, and because both of you really want to have a life together that doesn’t revolve around your needs but theirs and your children’s, without having to worry about losing yourself because you are solid in who you are. And you are solid in the love, affirmation, appreciation, skills, humor and time your village will offer to your child or children. There is no losing, only gaining bigger and more love.
None of us take having children later in life lightly. We get the downside of being in an age range where becoming a grandparent is much more common than becoming a parent. But if that is the road you choose (or more likely, the road that chooses you), enjoy. Enjoy every minute. Enjoy the sleepless nights and the havoc wrecked on your current lifestyle. Enjoy the neigh-sayers and their ignorance. Enjoy the love, laughs, silliness, frustration and fulfillment. Enjoy knowing the rest of your life just got much more important and fulfilling. Cheers to you and your twisty-turvy, love and laughter filled road ahead.
