Dad’s view - The unexpected in later-in-life daddyhood

Written by Mark

Surprise-!  20 Unexpected aspects of having a baby (or babies) later in life.

1.  The diaper changes are no big deal. It’s something people complain about, but it takes less than seconds in most cases, up to a couple of minutes in extreme cases.

2.  Babies love being naked. From diaper changes to bath time, getting rid of those constricting clothes feels great to them.

3.  On the opposite side of things, babies love being swaddled, it calms them right down.

4.  Crying is their main form of communication, and it varies. There is a fussy cry when they communicate things such as “my butt is a little wet,” or “I’m bored,” or “I am not comfortable,” then there is a scream that sounds like the craziest person you’ve ever dated being told it’s over, which is meant to convey, “I’m literally about to starve to death – give me my bottle immediately if not sooner!” The in-between is “I’m tired,” or “I need some help burping.” But they don’t cry for no reason – they’re always trying to tell you something.

5.  The snuggling, my God the snuggling. It feels like a zillion tons of love to have a baby trying to get closer and closer to you, as if they are melting into you.

6.  Big eats. It’s as if they think they are at the buffet at the Bellagio and need to eat as much as they can as soon as they can and keep going. It sometimes seems as they want to eat every waking minute.

7.  Babies are not exempt from the effect of morons. Please, sit down as you read and absorb this final piece of information: you WILL come across multiple people who not only do not stop to tell you how beautiful your baby is, they will appear to either not notice or fail to appreciate the perfection of your baby. Forgive them. Remember, they are stupid, and their idiot-ness is not about your baby, it’s about them. Their life is difficult enough without feeling your hate or disappointment.

8.  On the other side of things again, they bring people together. Often people are thrilled to meet your babies and want to talk about their babies, their kids, their grandkids, and sometimes even their dogs.

9.  Hypothetical babysitting. Many people offer to babysit “sometime,” and they would always love to and never, ever have a free enough day or night that they actually will.

10. The love and the angst you have toward your partner both come to the surface more. I’ve been called “they best daddy ever” by my wife on the same day I feel like she may stab me in the throat.

11.  Sleep is better. It may not be more, but it’s way beyond cozy sleeping near or with a sleeping baby.

12.  The nicknames right themselves. You have to make an effort to call them by their names.

13.   It’s easy to talk constantly to them. My wife tells me their first words are going to not be “dada,” or “mama” or “doggy” but “ssshhhh,” or “be quiet.”

14.   You go back and forth between trying to enjoy every moment with them and looking forward to all the great the future will bring.

15.  The perfect excuse. If you’re slow returning a call, it’s that you were preoccupied with a baby. If you cannot attend an event, it’s because your sitter cancelled at the last minute. The little dudes have a great ability to get you out of social commitments.

16.  Even when you’re old enough to be grandparents, people can spot parents. Maybe you look more committed, more stressed, but that mistaken assumption is rare.

17.  Most friends are supportive, and the ones that are not are good about keeping their foolish opinions to talking behind your back about how crazy you are. The most common refrain is something to the effect of “I would never do that,” or “I couldn’t do that.” All good people, we’re not asking you to.

18.  Other parents of youngsters are dying to help you. They assume you don’t know what to buy and that you can afford whatever you want.

19.  You don’t actually want to be with them every second. You need a break. They’re needy.

20.  You will do anything to see them smile, to make them comfortable, to make them happy. You love them way, way more than you love yourself